The more “relaxed” and interest-led I become in my teaching approach, the antsier my husband becomes. Not because the children aren’t learning, but because he can’t measure them with his “stick.” So I’ve done what any rebellious, hard-headed wife would never do. I’ve gone back to teaching the “traditional” way in the mornings.
Really, what good will it do to bicker with my husband when we both want what is best for the children? And what harm will it do to ask them to work through some reading and math lessons? The rest of the day is still ours to roam and explore, to find the answers to the hundreds of questions that flit through our minds.
I’m finding that bending is what unschooling is all about. And if that bending is occasionally in the direction that makes my husband feel comfortable, then so be it. God will use my willingness to honor my husband to grow me and as an example for my children.
So, who do you scare?
We live and we learn all at the same time, all the time—as we walk along the path of life.
Deb
As We Walk
9 Comments
I think I scare myself more than I scare my husband. I’m still trying to relax and let go…I’m a mega control freak and I know that’s not a good thing.
My kids aren’t even old enough for “school” yet and my unschooling ways are scaring him. I just keep praying that he starts to loosen up a bit. You are doing the right thing, I believe. Family and marital harmony is the most important gift you can give your children!
My husband occasionally gets uncomfortable then he looks at what all they are doing and is comfortable again–but then he has seen the fighting that our oldest does when we try to do traditional. In our case I think the only person who is nervous is my mother-in-law but she is careful not to step on our toes.
Prayer and obedience is definitely the way to go. In my case when we first started my husband said 1st grade then public school, and wanted lots of worksheets. Now he is even thinking through to college and who needs college anyway (he didn’t go) and is very relaxed. But then he is here with me all day and gets to see all the learning going on.
I feel so blessed that my hubby has been supportive since the beginning. I know he thought it sounded a little crazy at first, but ours were so little still it didn’t matter. He’s a teacher in the public school system, so he has no illusions about the effectiveness of traditional schooling.
My mom was a little scared at first. But after a few years watching the boys grow and learn, she’s loosened up a lot. They’re not even reading yet, but their social maturity and love for learning is evidence enough.
My husband also needs a little reassurance. To that end I’ve started sending him emails about what we’ve done that day. Nothing fancy but I start an email draft in the morning then add to it as the day progresses. I don’t record everything but I do try to list any activities that remotely resemble school. Sometime around five I hit the send button.
Great post! Yes, it’s all about flexibility and doing what works. I’m all for some structured time to do this or that every day. Most kids like a little of that. It’s like “playing school.” And they get some real learning in and your husband feels better. It’s a win-win situation. Congratulations!
My hubby is the same way. I use tests with my oldest daughter in her topics mostly just to placate him, so that he can see for himself the progress she is making through her subjects.
Every now and then he will hint around that we need to find a preschool curriculum for our 3.5 year old, until she comes up with a gem like explaining to him how bees make honey, and then he’s satisfied for a while.
“Playing school” is a great way to phrase it, Jena! Thanks for the ‘reminder’. My girls like to play school.
At times, I think I “scare” myself. Other times, I think I “scare” my husband, my in-laws, and even other homeschool moms.
Thanks for sharing your ‘angst’ with us!
The great thing is when the kids are older and people make great comments, the measurements don’t matter so much, even to the husband. Mine marvels at all they can do with such little instruction.