First, for those who don’t know the above is an xkcd comic. Perl is a programming language with many uses. The comic reminded me of my husband and got me thinking about the really important things and the things that are not so important.
As most of you know my husband is a self taught programmer who learned everything he knows about programming from his time spent working on his own projects at home NOT what they taught him at school. School, in fact, proved useless for the most part since he didn’t learn to spell until he started using a computer and spell checker, nor did he learn higher level math until he needed it for a programming project (taught himself trigonometry when he was 22), reading you could arguably say he learned from school but only just since most of his actual reading and writing was done outside of school since he never did any homework or paid attention in class, just took the tests. On the other hand, he has, in the course of his 37 years, taught himself to play the piano (and write music), taught himself to program in C, html, php, C++, Visual basic, and some other languages I have forgotten, written a full length novel–for fun, written a gaming engine–for fun and to see if he could do it, designed multiple levels for other people’s games, taught himself how to do photography and then edit those photos, read multiple history, political, and religious books (the big heavy ones, not sweet little ones like Max Lucado) so he could better understand what he was reading about elsewhere and form his own opinions on the subjects instead of taking other people’s word for it, and a whole slew of other things I can’t think of right now. I am not bragging on him I am just making a point (or reminding those who needed reminded or just possibly preaching to the choir.)
My point is that this man went to public school. He was the kid who was always in trouble for not paying attention and not knowing what was going on around him. He never did homework, never paid attention in class. He was the kid who ALWAYS lost recess or computer or whatever the teacher thought might motivate him to do what the teacher wanted. He was awkward, he was even in special ed because they didn’t know what to do about him. He didn’t go on to college (well he tried, twice, but got so frustrated the first time that he wasn’t learning anything he wanted to learn that he dropped out after one semester, and then the second time he signed up to take one class, paid for the class, got the book, went a few times then someone stole his car and burned it, including the book and he never went back. ) He may not be successful as others consider it (he doesn’t make a ton but we get by) but he has worked as a programmer for over 14 years, writes a successful blog and web comic, and best of all he gets to do what he loves. None of this is because of his schooling, if anything he spent years afraid of trying because of his education and failing over and over. All of it is because he knows what he loves and what he enjoys doing and does things with all his heart.
And who knows what experience in your (and my) children’s lives will most influence their future. For my husband it was programming his best friend’s computer then saving up for his own. In fact, for a lot of other programmers it was the same way. (The link is to my husband’s blog, read through some of the comments on this article to see what I mean.)
Only God knows what experiences may be most important. For myself it was drawing lesson in Girl Scouts when I was 10–I found out I could draw–I hadn’t realized before that. For my mom it was baby sitting as a teen, for my dad it was working with his excavator/workaholic dad as an 8 year old. What experience most shaped YOUR life as a kid?
Former teacher turned Christian unschooling mom, artist, geek wife of a work -at-home geek with 3 geeklings. Our lives are full of gaming, reading, writing, baking, and making lots of messes. I blog about our daily life at An Untraditional Home and share my creative endeavors at Elasah.com.
15 Comments
It was for sure my experiences in high school drama. I discovered that I had talent for the first time EVER. Maybe if I’d been homeschooled I could have discovered that a lot earlier because I’d always wanted to perform/act but was never given the opportunity. I also learned that I had a great knack for Spanish but I had to take other classes instead and probably would have greatly benefited from sittin’ around learning Spanish all day a lot more than struggling through algebra or sleeping through “government” class!
Great post! The only thing I can think of from my childhood/youth that influenced my career choice is volunteering at a nursing home. Nonetheless, I decided to go to med school, and I loved my career as an MD. I enjoy relaxed unschooling (we have a little more structure than pure unschooling) because I like letting my kids experiment with all kinds of things. Both of my kids like to play in the kitchen, often making surprisingly good food. Your story is a great example of why our kids need time to follow their own passions and dreams. Thanks!
I’m still waiting for the experience that shapes my life. I think hindsight to my childhood shows more what I Shouldn’t have done that I did, rather than what shaped me to who I should be today… (ie, I never liked babysitting or hanging out with kids in general… and some days I wonder why I’m a stay/school at home mom!!)
Honestly, as I approach my mid-30′s with two kids, I’m still searching for what I want to be when I grow up. I feel kind of lost sometimes, but I do the best I can for my girls. All I can do is trust God and know that He knows best for our lives.
(and I have a blog post started with that same XKCD comic
I’m just trying to think of all I want to say about it!)
Fabulous! Your hubby sounds like my oldest, or what he might be like if I made him go to school.
I agree only God knows what experiences may be most important. So I ask in prayer each day “What would you have me do today, say today, teach today.” We teach 24/7 many things not form books: how to handle a crisis. How to deal with disappointment, disagreeable people, sad people, financial problems, windfalls, etc. The most important thing I can teach my children is they are unconditionally loved. By me and God.
Thank you so much for sharing your husband’s story! It’s so encouraging.
great post, thanks for sharing. It was very encouraging and informative
I appreciate your post, Heather. We’ve talked about this before. Even though I have one graduated and know this stuff by his example, I still worry from time to time, as you know, about my youngest.
As for my own personal experience? I will have to think about that! I know that it has nothing or very little to do with school… lol
What a great post and as my kids are in the teen years I see this already in my home and how well they are doing in their individual interests. Today our oldest worked sound booth at church on her own and did an awesome job. The pastor made a comment as did the pastor’s wife who trained her. She is a natural with mixing. Who knew
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My hubby sounds much the same way you describe yours. He was labeled in school and shuffled into special ed classes. He hated school. He is not academic at all. Yet, he is incredibly gifted. He can fix anything. And I do mean anything. He makes a good income in the field of apartment maintenance and has a reputation for being able to deal with almost any problem quickly. None of the skills that serve him well today came from his school experience. They were all a part of who God made him from Day 1, and needed only to be discovered and nurtured.
Thanks so much for sharing! We need more positive voices in this ever-growing debate.
I’m curious: What is the attitude of Christian unschoolers to religious education? Do you think it is important for children to be taught about religion, or do you think their moral and spiritual education should be self-directed?
A lot of it depends on who you talk to. I can’t speak for everyone else (though I know I do speak for most of the people here and in the yahoo group where born again Christians who unschool gather). In our case we, as a family, spend time reading the Bible together daily and pray about everything (from lost keys to the “big stuff”) as needed. It isn’t a “rule” it is just something we do together, just like eating together. We personally don’t do “religious education” as most people see it. No Sunday school though our oldest chooses to join her grandparents for church and Sunday school, and in our case we don’t even have formal worship. In fact, you may say that we personally are not “religious” (and I know most of my Christian unschooling friends aren’t either). Instead just like unschooling is a lifestyle of learning, we have a lifestyle of following God. Christianity as we see it is not a thing to do but a relationship, and our children naturally join in that relationship. If you are asking whether our children go and find their own religion, maybe Buddhism or whatever the latest trend is, no, most of us don’t allow for that just like someone who believes firmly in global warming and is sure that it is true and we need to do something about it would not allow their child to all the things that they feel are going to destroy the earth. We do however give them freedom to look into other religions, discuss them, and know about them.
On the other hand, our children have their own relationships with Christ and because of that they have the ultimate freedom to learn and grow. Christianity, that of the New Testament, is so much freer and akin to unschooling than most people realize. We are not called to follow a pile of rules, we are called to love Christ, who died for our sins and rose again because God loved us so much He was willing to give us freedom from our sins through His son. Our only real rule is to love the Lord our God with all our mind and all our heart, and to love our neighbor as our self. Everything else is extra. And each person is free to choose when and if they enter into a relationship with Christ and each grows in his or her own way and in his or her own time. And the same goes for our children and their relationship with Christ. Each grows and learns what they need, when they need it.
Thank you, Heather, for taking the time to share your perspective on religious education for unschoolers. Until recently, I didn’t know the difference between homeschooling and unschooling, so it is helpful to hear from you.
I’m curious about something else, and this is a question for you or for unshcooling parent: Is your concept of unschooling influenced by Rousseau’s “Emile” or the educational experiments of the New England Transcendentalists? (Bronson Alcott, for example.) They had very similar ideas about human nature and childhood education, as far as I can tell from what I’ve so far learned about unschooling.
Oh that is very interesting. I hadn’t thought about either in some time. I studied Rousseau’s work when I was in college (I was trained as a special ed and elementary ed teacher) and then later the New England Transcendentalists when I was obsessing over Alcott when my oldest was just born. It is true they did have similar ideas but I think most people have forgotten that. For most the idea of unschooling comes from John Holt’s work and John Taylor Gatto but in our case we started doing it because it worked for us and we felt God calling us to it. Our oldest has several health issues that make traditional school especially tricky and several learning issues that make learning the traditional way hard for her. School at home was a struggle. She hated reading, hated learning. The more we prayed over the situation the more we moved away from traditional school at home and towards giving her the freedom to learn as she was interested. And it worked. This child who hated reading and writing passionately, who struggled with poor memory and other things that we labeled LD when I was teaching Special Ed and when I was in school, she was doing all those things naturally in everyday life and was doing it so much easier than when she had to do it (she even loves to read thoguh not quite as much as her sister who is obsessive about books. The same thing happened with our middle child who surprised us all by teaching herself letters, colors, and shapes while I was struggling to homeschool her sister. So we found that it was working and we did it. We didn’t even know there was a name for it, we just knew that school at home did NOT work for us or our children and that both of us (my husband and I) were completely self taught in the things we actually used and did and were constantly finding new obsessions and learning everything we could about them. For instance– when I was in college and supposed to be studying whatever in my classes I was instead obsessed with J.R. Tolkien and C.D. Lewis and the nature of the fairytale and how it affects story and reading anything and everything I could get my hands on– spent all my free time in the library stacks reading. At the same time my husband (my then boyfriend) was teaching himself to code and write video games using this new 16 bit color that was out.
The more we relaxed about traditional home education the more our kids were delving into their own passions and growing. Watching them grow as Christians was another revelation. We saw each of them take the basic knowledge that Christ died for them, share it with others, and love learning more and often, they were (and are) well beyond even adults in understanding of the Word. For example my oldest age 12 often joins her grandmother for traditional church and Sunday school. She goes, not for the education- -my mother-in-law has pointed out that she knows and understands what is being taught well and in fact gets bored during lessons but she goes because she has friends there. Originally my mother-in-law invited the kids because she thought they needed religious education– this is no longer true, now she just likes having the kids there if they want to come.
We figure if God will lead them through the Holy Spirit to grow in Him and in this relationship with Him then He certainly would give them the passions for the things that they would need in the future. And He has so far. Each child has very distinct interests and passions, and all are very different from what we would naturally have taught them if we had stuck with the “school at home” mentality. Sure they are influenced by what we are passionate about but they also have individual interests and passions– usually offshoots of some experience they have had or something we have discussed. It is a very organic experience and interesting to watch as they grow and develop and have time to really delve into their personal interests.
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[...] And my own response to the unschooling question, written well before this all came up (and which you all have likely already read) here. [...]
[...] Matthew asks: I’m curious: What is the attitude of Christian unschoolers to religious education? Do you think it is important for children to be taught about religion, or do you think their moral and spiritual education should be self-directed? [...]