Matthew asks:
I’m curious: What is the attitude of Christian unschoolers to religious education? Do you think it is important for children to be taught about religion, or do you think their moral and spiritual education should be self-directed?

I responded with the following:
A lot of it depends on who you talk to. I can’t speak for everyone else (though I know I do speak for most of the people here and in the yahoo group where born again Christians who unschool gather). In our case we, as a family, spend time reading the Bible together daily and pray about everything (from lost keys to the “big stuff”) as needed. It isn’t a “rule” it is just something we do together, just like eating together. We personally don’t do “religious education” as most people see it. No Sunday school though our oldest chooses to join her grandparents for church and Sunday school, and in our case we don’t even have formal worship. In fact, you may say that we personally are not “religious” (and I know most of my Christian unschooling friends aren’t either). Instead just like unschooling is a lifestyle of learning, we have a lifestyle of following God. Christianity as we see it is not a thing to do but a relationship, and our children naturally join in that relationship. If you are asking whether our children go and find their own religion, maybe Buddhism or whatever the latest trend is, no, most of us don’t allow for that just like someone who believes firmly in global warming and is sure that it is true and we need to do something about it would not allow their child to all the things that they feel are going to destroy the earth. We do however give them freedom to look into other religions, discuss them, and know about them.

On the other hand, our children have their own relationships with Christ and because of that they have the ultimate freedom to learn and grow. Christianity, that of the New Testament, is so much freer and akin to unschooling than most people realize. We are not called to follow a pile of rules, we are called to love Christ, who died for our sins and rose again because God loved us so much He was willing to give us freedom from our sins through His son. Our only real rule is to love the Lord our God with all our mind and all our heart, and to love our neighbor as our self. Everything else is extra. And each person is free to choose when and if they enter into a relationship with Christ and each grows in his or her own way and in his or her own time. And the same goes for our children and their relationship with Christ. Each grows and learns what they need, when they need it.

Penny over at Seeds and Dreams just wrote about their recent experiences with the changes they have made to their homeschool style in happenings of life and love learning

Christy over at Growing Urban Wildflowers shared a wonderful specific experience that is the perfect illustration of how unschooling works and why in On Tying Bows.

I realized after we got home that I was a bit self-centered in my book collecting. Where are all the books for the kids?! Maybe it’s because I’m still getting used to the idea that my boys are turning into readers!

I was a pretty confident unschooler when we started this homeschooling journey. It helped that UberDad and I were both early readers. We figured it out before starting school, so why couldn’t our kids learn to read without school?

At the same time, I didn’t expect that they’d be early readers just because we were. For one thing, my parents didn’t have money for a lot of toys, but we went to the library frequently. And my mother was fond of flashcards. We didn’t have a television until I’d already read the “Little House” series.

I didn’t want television around here either, but that turned out to be hopeless. Let’s just say I’m still working on my boundary issues — and my mother’s incredibly generous. Plus Eldest is a visual/auditory learner who soaks up everything he can learn from cable. Despite my own love for learning via text on a page, I don’t believe it’s the only way to learn.

And despite the fact that our tv sees plenty of use, our kids are also surrounded by books at home, and have spent a fair amount of time in bookstores and the library, and of course, being read to.

I knew it was only a matter of time before they’d begin reading on their own. If I’d been worried or in a hurry, we would have spent less time on field trips and at the park, and more time on the couch. But I wasn’t — and my boys like to get out and DO.

Not that I never wondered if I should be doing more. I know people who swear by using 100 Easy Lessons. (I borrowed it once, and got through two lessons before we were all bored.) And ZooPhonics sounds so fun and creative! (But you can buy a lot of books for $400.)

But when I prayed about it, I always got the same answer:

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this(.)
–Psalm 37:5

So I stuck with just answering their questions, and reading to them as often as our schedule allowed. I buy plenty of books, but no programs.

It has been a fascinating journey to watch. Eldest has been blessed with an incredible memory, and he prefers to memorize what words look like, using context, phonics (or just asking me) to figure them out first. He reads with beautiful inflection, but he’s not crazy about sounding out longer words himself. He remembers faster from hearing me say it.

Middlest uses mostly phonics, and isn’t intimidated by larger words. He reads more slowly because he’s not sight-reading as much — and because he wants to read harder books, not the “easy-to-read” stuff.

After reading a couple Dr. Suess books with help in March, he decided he wanted to read “The Tale of Despereaux.” A friend gave him a copy for Christmas, and he wanted to read it himself.

So, we started reading it together, one paragraph at a time because that was enough for him. He needed a lot of help, but in just TWO PAGES — over the span of a week, his reading improved significantly. All that exposure to bigger words built up his phonics skills and gave him great confidence. It’s not the only thing we’re reading, so I can see how much better he’s getting at the easy stuff.

Last week, while I was horizontal on the couch, the boys took turns reading aloud to me and to each other. Eldest was so excited to be able to read his favorite Captain Underpants books himself.

“Reading is my new very favorite thing to do!” he said to me one afternoon.

And my heart leapt.

It works! It really works! I haven’t messed up my children’s chance to learn to read! I haven’t missed any “window of opportunity.”

They’ve also escaped being labeled “learning disabled” because they preferred to play outside than sit still and listen to lessons at age five. They’ve learned without pressure, in their own way, and in their own time.

And they can still be bibliophiles like their parents! For this, I am truly grateful.

‘In “How Children Learn at Home” we concentrated on how children learn school subjects informally at home. Our aim was to build up a general picture of learning at home. This time we are going to narrow the focus more specifically to reading. Having used the word “informal” already I must add that we are not just interested in the autonomous end of the scale here. Parents who deliberately teach their children to read using a standard reading scheme are still informal in the sense that they, and their children, had the freedom to choose this path and the freedom to choose when, where, how and why to go about their learning. ‘

What they have found so far about how children learn is fascinating and well worth the rad.  It is especially encouraging to those of us who have taken a more facilitation style of teaching our children.

Being a child’s parent AND teacher puts a lot of pressure on us. We panic when we think our kids have to be doing as much as those kids in traditional schools, so we start to get demanding and that relationship thing falls apart, and for what? Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Albert Einstein:

It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom, without this it goes to wreck and ruin without fail. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty. To the contrary, I believe that it would be possible to rob even a healthy beast of prey of its voraciousness if it were possible with the aid of a whip, to force the beast to devour continuously even when not hungry, especially if the food, handed out under such coercion, were to be selected accordingly.

But that doesn’t mean we parents just let our kids go and do whatever. In the quote above, Einstein admits that curiosity needs “stimulation,” and he lists “seeing and searching” as a description of learning. Give your kids lots of opportunity and time to do just that. Keep the goal in mind and guide without them even realizing it.

If you value the model Jesus gives in the New Testament, it’s interesting to note that he was always down on the Pharisees–leaders who continually laid heavy burdens on the people. After all, there are only ten commandments, and even God is not coercive. We may suffer the consequences of poor choices, but he never forces us to obey. One of my favorite verses is “All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people,” (Romans 10:21). As we disobey, God is continually holding out his arms to us like the father of the Prodigal Son. One of my guiding principles has been to parent my children like God parents me.

But some of the most popular parenting advisers (especially in the Evangelical Christian world) tell us to insure immediate and cheerful obedience all the time or we are shirking our responsibility as parents. Now that’s a heavy burden. I say choose your few rules and make sure they are really necessary (see “Setting Boundaries for Kids“).

But what about school things like reading, writing and math? A lot of us fear that if we don’t force our kids to do school work, they’ll never make it in life. Here’s my advice: Between the ages of zero and twelve, teach your child to read when he is ready and wants to do it, then do “school” stuff when he shows interest. That gives you a lot of time to relax and watch your child. What is he interested in? What is his learning style? What motivates him? What de-motivates him?

Sure, you can dangle the carrot, like make brownies and talk about fractions as you cut him a piece. Or you can choose games that naturally introduce math because you have to keep score and count money. Or you can check out colorful and interesting books from the library. You can even start a contest with other home schoolers to see how many books each child can read in a month (we did Pizza Hut’s Book It). As far as writing goes, you can make greeting cards as a craft project together, or you can buy her a beautiful journal and matching pen. The computer is great for encouraging writing–open a MySpace, create a blog, or simply leave comments on blogs. I have more about these practical things in the post “My Education Philosophy.”

My point is, notice your child’s interests and build on those. Practically everything in life requires reading, writing, and math, so you just have to encourage those activities in the context of her interests. When you face resistance to “school” things, back off. Ask yourself why she doesn’t like to do that and you might learn a lot about how she learns and what motivates her.

Then, when your child hits 12 or so, take stock of his skills and abilities as they relate to the future. If public or private high school is the plan, what do those schools require? But in the meantime, you and your child can relax and together experience the joy of childhood and the joy of learning.

• Bible
• Math
• Reading and
• Art

That didn’t seem too bad and I actually really enjoyed it! (Except for the fact that W wasn’t anywhere near ready for reading at age 5!)

But I gave up the classical method when I realized that in 1st grade I was expected to add

• Geography
• Grammar
• Literature and
• Music

At that point I became afraid! How was I to teach literature and grammar and reading to a boy who wasn’t reading at all? I thought, “Why can’t literature and grammar and reading all be taught as one subject instead of three?”

I was overwhelmed to say the least. So when W went into first grade I became an eclectic homeschooler who used classical Christian materials as I saw fit and tweaked everything to suit us.

J started Kindergarten the following year, with W entering 2ND grade. At this point I was teaching

• Bible
• Math
• Reading/Literature
• Art
• History
• Latin
• Music (appreciation)
• Geography and
• Science

This was a good year for us, maybe the most comfortable one we’ve had so far. This was the year I became not only eclectic but “relaxed eclectic” in the schooling of the boys. By relaxed I mean we took no tests, used classical materials but did almost all of it orally or as we saw fit and took our time learning the things we set out to learn. Of course we had our ups and downs but as this post demonstrates, for the most part things were going really well!

And now we have entered our 4TH year of homeschooling. W is a 3rd grader (and finally reading!) and J is in 1st grade. We’re still using mostly classical materials and enjoy them (like I said before, we use them in a way that suits us.) But as I’ve mentioned this year has been tough. The dynamics have just changed. We only have 2 or 3 days a week that we are able to hit the books and I have been worrying a lot about that.

I’ve been operating under the assumption that in order for my kids to learn they had to do a little bit of EVERY subject every day but this year has proven me wrong. This year our learning looks different. One day we may do science, reading and art for 4 full hours (in the form of one project), and then the next day do 8 pages of math, read the Bible, write someone a letter and work hard on memorizing our spelling words. It’s not that they’re not learning, it just looks different!

I think I may be moving from “relaxed/eclectic” to semi-unschooling. It’s scary for me to even type that sentence, I just know that I am inviting criticism. The thing is, my kids like to learn. Listening to the Swiss Family Robinson on CD is fun to them. Creating a comic book about the life of Joseph is play to them. I’m not kidding! W loves to memorize math facts and Bible verses. J gets excited about writing letters to missionary kids and learning sign language. W will say, “I love writing!” and J says, “Everything is school.” We read constantly, discuss what we learn, watch documentaries and educational videos. We listen to Latin, literature and the Bible on CD. And just as important, they love to play and use their imaginations.

So, I’m going to relax and let them be. Everyday doesn’t have to look like every other and I don’t need to be in constant worry.

Enjoy your day!

I know all the ladies personally and have known them for a few years now. L has 2 children, a girl 16 and a boy 10. She has a day home as well. She is ultra organized and is very computer knowledgeable. J has 6 children (18 months to 10 years) and uses Sonlight curriculum, one core year for most of the school age kids. C has 5 children 9 to 21. She has used varied curriculum over the years and her children graduated without provincial diplomas. Her oldest is in a christian university in the city and her son (18) is planning to be a lawyer. I have 4 children 11 to 17. Our family did unschooling through elementary school and introduced more curriculum through junior high and high school.

We each gave a 5-10 minute blurb about our experiences and how we run our programs, then there were questions. There were also questions afterwards, as people looked at what we brought for curriculum. That too was an interesting display. L brought some curriculum, some graphs and charts she downloaded and some organizational things from her system. J, with the full curriculum had the curriculum binder and a lot of the books to go with it. C had a number of text books for high school. I had some text books and work books and some books I have read to the kids. It might look like an effort thing, but in reality, it is how each person runs their home.

For myself, we have spent a lot of time reading, (less now that they are older and our life has taken on different things). The kids have their text books, but a lot of learning is occurring through their experiences. All my children have jobs. All have learnt to manage money through having to manage money. I recently did a couple of posts on our allowance system; they get a regular allowance and a clothes allowance. They learnt to work when they were young, through chores and extra work they were required to do. They learnt good character though family reading time, experience, and discussion. They learnt to love God the same way, as well as through a loving home, extended family and church family. My focus and belief for the kids when they were young was to “Teach them 1. To love God, 2. To have a good character and 3. To have a good work ethic; and the rest would take care of itself”, and though not flawless, it has worked fairly well. The personalities of the parents are what dictates how a home school operates, but the personalities of the students play a role in how it works out in the end.

I recently attended a workshop on mediated learning. I found reassurance in some areas as we have run our home with many of the principles outlined. I was also dismayed at the time lost in not applying other things learnt in the workshop. As parents we want our children to succeed beyond measure. We work to that end in our own way and sometimes the child’s personality isn’t consistent with the plan. The same thing happens in school. The beauty of home schooling our children is we are able to adjust our styles to mesh with each child, and give each one the best education possible for his or her needs. It is great to have the option to home school.

The other day the antique appraiser I help out, remembering how in the past I have needed to work less in order to spend time teaching the kids, asked when I needed to change my schedule and be less available.  It caught me off guard because I have gotten so used to our lifestyle of learning.  It took me a moment to come up with an answer that would avoid getting into this whole unschooling business but also satisfy her.  I said that the kids had, for the most part, taken over their own learning and listed quickly off all the projects they have done in the last few months, being careful to point out the expected learning that has occurred in this unexpected way.  She was satisfied and moved on to the project at hand while I got to be completely honest without going into a detailed explanation.

The funny thing is that it caused me to realize how comfortable it has become, so comfortable that I don’t even think about “school”  anymore.  For a former public school teacher and child of public school teachers this is shocking.  My brain has forgotten “schooly” things and is focused on life and relationships.  I no longer think of what the kids are doing in educational terms unless someone asks (though I have also learned to quickly sum up the most recent educational things going on).  It is funny how quickly it occurred and how easy it is to see all the play for what it is–God-given life training.

As I write my oldest is composing a song and has figured out how to record it on our spare keyboard.  She recently figured out a numbering system to write music notes, using the electric typewriter she bought with her own money at a yard sale, to see her through until she has taught herself how to read music.  My middle child was last seen reading a factual book about Russia and my son was building an articulated robot out of Construx and card board. This morning we spent an hour playing together on the newly floored living room–me showing them ballet from my childhood and them trying to hold each position then sliding around the room in break dance type action (which they learned from Youtube) in their footy pajamas.  Yesterday during an impromptu trip to IKEA my son and I talked about God and being thankful for ALL things, months, days, and the calendar, multiplication, telling jokes, and reading Bible names.  Earlier in the day Rachel and I watched my favorite fight scenes from several old Kung Fu flicks which prompted discussion of the culture surrounding those movies.   She has also been watching Jane Austen movies (her favorite being the 5 hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice).  Esther showed up at one point with her favorite insect guide explaining to me her theory of why bee colonies are disappearing (she was reading about a kind of mite that kills honey bees.)  Rachel spent an hour reading Crafty Crow and Skip to  my Lou looking at and trying out various craft ideas, including making leaf people outside which turned into a game of tag.   The kids used the laminate flooring boxes to make robot costumes and sandwich board card costumes like those in Alice in Wonderland.

Who knows what they will be into tomorrow though I can predict to some extent because I know my kids and what each of their interests are.  Likely my middle child will draw some more pictures to add to the hanging art gallery she has developed on her ceiling over her bed (she gives “tours” and has it set up in rooms).  My oldest will probably add to the doll house she has created of small wall shelf she bought at a yard sale–the furniture is made of drawings on paper and bits of this and that from around the house. My son will come down and help measure the linear footage of trim we need for the downstairs (the girls will probably help–they love measuring and adding it all up.)

The thing is, this is WHO they are and who God created them to be.  Because they have plenty of materials on hand and the freedom to do and make they will run with it.  They are allowed to watch as much tv and play as many video games as they like–which they do (unless of course they have a job they need to do like their dishes or someo ther parental request) but it is not nearly as much as one might expect–they watch, in general, much less than they would if I limited the time spent.  Because they have freedom and materials on hand, they have TONS of movies and lots of video games, plenty of arts and crafts materials and the freedom to use scrap paper and other random bits of stuff they have much more interesting things to do than sit and watch DVD’s.  We are also blessed because we live in an old house where it is not the end of the world if someone draws on the floor  or forgets to use tape and glues their awesome drawing of a boy with a kite on a rope or hot air balloon to to the wall.  Sometimes things get messy (okay, usually–5 people at home all day means no house beautiful), sometimes too much is enough, and sometimes they fight, but in general it is a peaceful life overflowing with learning and activity, and we all are learning daily.

My kids used to always complain about how serious I was and how Daddy was more fun.  I would forget to spend time playing with the kids because I get caught up in other projects.  I didn’t spend much time just being with them, playing.  It has taken a concerted effort on my part to stop being so serious, to relax, and in odd moments play with them–tickle fights, kiss attacks, joking around, you name it.  Over the last few months I have made progress. I know because the other day we were messing about, having fun with each other, playing, when my oldest told me that I am always so much fun to be with (this after reacting in shock a few months ago when I made a joke.)  Yes I am making progress.

*Disclaimer–I do NOT think that parents should be their child’s friend, or at least not until they are past the stage of needing parenting.  God gave us children and expects us to train them to serve Him.  However, willingness to play, to have fun, to enjoy being together, is part of that package.

Issac waiting for a boat ride at the pond, investigating the metal loop that holds the boat to the dock.

I know this question well because we also struggled with it, and it is why we have been so slow to trust God on this whole unschooling thing.  Our conversations with God have gone something like this:

Us: “God, we know you are leading us towards letting the kids follow their interests but are you sure you don’t want us to have SOME structure? ”

God: “Do you trust me?”

Us: “Well yes but we really think they need to learn how to do basic computation on paper and a bit of spelling, and well, there are a few more things we really feel they should know.”

God : “Do you trust me?”

Us: “Well yes, but what about the boring stuff?   What about the stuff they hated doing when we did school the old fashioned way?”

God: “Do you trust me?”

Us: “Well yeah, but, what about all those battles that happened because they HATED the very things you are telling us to trust you about?”

God: “Do you TRUST me?”

Us: “Well, yeah, well, pretty much. Okay, well, yes, we trust you.”

God: “Then let go and let me lead them. Love me, love each other, show them your love for me, talk about me with them, talk to them about your interests, talk to them about their interests,  I will take care of the rest.”

Us: “Um, okay, if you are sure.”

God: “Trust me.”

Issac, despite owning multiple car ramps, built new ones from boxes he found and cut up.

We are trusting Him and it has been amazing.  While the kids still turn up their noses at the books and activities that we used for “school” they gather huge quantities of resources that they have not used before; text books, curriculum, activity books, how to books, language courses, whatever (many things I think are desperately boring).  Not only are they taking them but they are using them.

Issac using the Shark mini vac my grandma gave me to clean the ENTIRE downstairs floor, without being asked.

While cleaning the area we stored text books and workbooks the kids took ALL the educational books that they had not used for “school”  to their own rooms for further study–included in the books the kids secured are a high school math curriculum set which Rachel found fascinating and wanted for her own with promises of discussion of it with Daddy, several atlases and dictionaries in English AND Polish, numerous workbooks (Issac has been doing them at bedtime to fall asleep), lots and lots of blank notebooks for writing stories and comics in, lots of science books (which Esther confiscated and which I am finding everywhere–a sure sign she is reading them and leaving them where she finished them), word searches and other activity books, and a slew of other things I have forgotten.

Issac preparing to for a ride in the motor boat.

They are using those materials and others they have found around the house.  Rachel finished the first draft of her book and is waiting for me to finish her website before she edits it (she has decided that now that she can write by hand with no backwards letters and spelling mostly right she should learn to type.)  Esther wrote a short story and has been making me comic books ever since.  Then the kids each got a math kit (compass, ruler, etc.) from Target’s clearance back to school sale and started using them for drawing pictures and graphs and charts.  This prompted Rachel to get several math books on charts and graphs out of the nonfiction section at the library.  They started measuring everything in the house, including figuring out the area of the living room and hall so we could get laminate flooring.  They have been adding, subtracting, multiplying measurements.  Our household looks like “If You Give a Mouse  a Cookie” only with learning.

Issac building IKEA furniture

After that came the Polish curriculum I found at the thrift shop.  I spent a few months in Poland while in college and the kids love stories about that as well as about my grandmother’s Polish family.  I figured maybe I would use it to touch up on what I do remember.  Instead Rachel snatched it up and has been practicing ever since.  She has also  added the Rosetta Stone demo version of the Polish language lesson to her studies.  Esther has joined her in this study and they run around the house naming things in Polish.

Esther demonstrating her knowledge of boat safety.

And this is just the tip of the iceburg.  There is so much more going on than I can even keep track of.  Discussions have included: Scotland and Gaelic, square roots and cube roots, how mortgages work and the snowball effect, natural disasters and what causes them physically, how wind works, spelling and word order, reading big words and finding their meanings, adding and multiplying fractions (while baking), determining cloud direction, and a multitude of other things.  All of it has been interest led–the kids are running with this freedom to learn and explore, and are learning many things that I think are horribly dull and boring (but don’t tell them I said that.)

The girls often stay up in the evening working at their table, writing, reading, drawing, or in this case creating charts and graphs for the fun of it.

I think the problem, and the reason for the question in the first place, is found in ourselves and our perception of what is interesting or boring.  Any child that has been public schooled OR trained to think of school in those terms, will think that way as well–except for the odd geekling like my husband was, who at age 10, despite hating school,  spent hours and hours programming a friend’s TI because he wanted to, or like myself who at age 12 spent ALL my spare time reading and researching King Author or reading about whatever scientific thing I was currently interested in (though not what they were teaching in school.)

School trains us to think that school things, including math and grammar, are boring.  The thing is that they are only boring if you are not, at that moment, interested in them.  When, for whatever reason, something peaks your interest you are off and running.  Sure YOU may not want to learn about rocks and gems, but I was passionately fond of studying them–until I had a lesson on them in school which promptly struck that off my list of interesting things until I was graduated from college and got talking to some kids who found a cool rock and wanted to know.

Issac building a tunnel for his track.

So the question answers itself.  Don’t think of it as boring or hard stuff, talk about these things when you run into them.  Watch the kids cues.  Give them openings and opportunities.  If they show interest in something don’t get overly enthusiastic (that is one of those “school” things and will shut off that flow of imagination like nothing else), wait on them.  If you are just starting to move away from the “school” model it may take a while for them to jump in and take over.  Give them space.  Give them time to think of things without “school” or educational hanging over their head.  When you, as an adult, get interested in something you learn it because you want to, you don’t naturally think–”I am learning something, this is educational” you think, “This is cool.  I like this.”  Give your kids the same freedom, pray for wisdom, a lot, and let God open up their minds to multiple interests.  They may stick with something longer than you would expect or drop it in a matter of seconds.  Give them the freedom to do that (you would get nervous of showing interest in something if as soon as you did someone ran out and bought you EVERYTHING yo uneeded to do it–you want to test the waters first, see if it is for you–give your kids the same opportunity).  Find your own interests and passions and run with them.  The kids will learn to follow their passions from your example.  And with freedom to explore, resources at their fingertips, and the imagination and brain power God has provided them, they WILL learn–you won’t be able to stop them–even with the “boring stuff”.