Matthew asks:
I’m curious: What is the attitude of Christian unschoolers to religious education? Do you think it is important for children to be taught about religion, or do you think their moral and spiritual education should be self-directed?

I responded with the following:
A lot of it depends on who you talk to. I can’t speak for everyone else (though I know I do speak for most of the people here and in the yahoo group where born again Christians who unschool gather). In our case we, as a family, spend time reading the Bible together daily and pray about everything (from lost keys to the “big stuff”) as needed. It isn’t a “rule” it is just something we do together, just like eating together. We personally don’t do “religious education” as most people see it. No Sunday school though our oldest chooses to join her grandparents for church and Sunday school, and in our case we don’t even have formal worship. In fact, you may say that we personally are not “religious” (and I know most of my Christian unschooling friends aren’t either). Instead just like unschooling is a lifestyle of learning, we have a lifestyle of following God. Christianity as we see it is not a thing to do but a relationship, and our children naturally join in that relationship. If you are asking whether our children go and find their own religion, maybe Buddhism or whatever the latest trend is, no, most of us don’t allow for that just like someone who believes firmly in global warming and is sure that it is true and we need to do something about it would not allow their child to all the things that they feel are going to destroy the earth. We do however give them freedom to look into other religions, discuss them, and know about them.

On the other hand, our children have their own relationships with Christ and because of that they have the ultimate freedom to learn and grow. Christianity, that of the New Testament, is so much freer and akin to unschooling than most people realize. We are not called to follow a pile of rules, we are called to love Christ, who died for our sins and rose again because God loved us so much He was willing to give us freedom from our sins through His son. Our only real rule is to love the Lord our God with all our mind and all our heart, and to love our neighbor as our self. Everything else is extra. And each person is free to choose when and if they enter into a relationship with Christ and each grows in his or her own way and in his or her own time. And the same goes for our children and their relationship with Christ. Each grows and learns what they need, when they need it.

I know there are some others out there that I missed–if you see a great one post it in the comments please (including if it is your own).

I realized after we got home that I was a bit self-centered in my book collecting. Where are all the books for the kids?! Maybe it’s because I’m still getting used to the idea that my boys are turning into readers!

I was a pretty confident unschooler when we started this homeschooling journey. It helped that UberDad and I were both early readers. We figured it out before starting school, so why couldn’t our kids learn to read without school?

At the same time, I didn’t expect that they’d be early readers just because we were. For one thing, my parents didn’t have money for a lot of toys, but we went to the library frequently. And my mother was fond of flashcards. We didn’t have a television until I’d already read the “Little House” series.

I didn’t want television around here either, but that turned out to be hopeless. Let’s just say I’m still working on my boundary issues — and my mother’s incredibly generous. Plus Eldest is a visual/auditory learner who soaks up everything he can learn from cable. Despite my own love for learning via text on a page, I don’t believe it’s the only way to learn.

And despite the fact that our tv sees plenty of use, our kids are also surrounded by books at home, and have spent a fair amount of time in bookstores and the library, and of course, being read to.

I knew it was only a matter of time before they’d begin reading on their own. If I’d been worried or in a hurry, we would have spent less time on field trips and at the park, and more time on the couch. But I wasn’t — and my boys like to get out and DO.

Not that I never wondered if I should be doing more. I know people who swear by using 100 Easy Lessons. (I borrowed it once, and got through two lessons before we were all bored.) And ZooPhonics sounds so fun and creative! (But you can buy a lot of books for $400.)

But when I prayed about it, I always got the same answer:

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this(.)
–Psalm 37:5

So I stuck with just answering their questions, and reading to them as often as our schedule allowed. I buy plenty of books, but no programs.

It has been a fascinating journey to watch. Eldest has been blessed with an incredible memory, and he prefers to memorize what words look like, using context, phonics (or just asking me) to figure them out first. He reads with beautiful inflection, but he’s not crazy about sounding out longer words himself. He remembers faster from hearing me say it.

Middlest uses mostly phonics, and isn’t intimidated by larger words. He reads more slowly because he’s not sight-reading as much — and because he wants to read harder books, not the “easy-to-read” stuff.

After reading a couple Dr. Suess books with help in March, he decided he wanted to read “The Tale of Despereaux.” A friend gave him a copy for Christmas, and he wanted to read it himself.

So, we started reading it together, one paragraph at a time because that was enough for him. He needed a lot of help, but in just TWO PAGES — over the span of a week, his reading improved significantly. All that exposure to bigger words built up his phonics skills and gave him great confidence. It’s not the only thing we’re reading, so I can see how much better he’s getting at the easy stuff.

Last week, while I was horizontal on the couch, the boys took turns reading aloud to me and to each other. Eldest was so excited to be able to read his favorite Captain Underpants books himself.

“Reading is my new very favorite thing to do!” he said to me one afternoon.

And my heart leapt.

It works! It really works! I haven’t messed up my children’s chance to learn to read! I haven’t missed any “window of opportunity.”

They’ve also escaped being labeled “learning disabled” because they preferred to play outside than sit still and listen to lessons at age five. They’ve learned without pressure, in their own way, and in their own time.

And they can still be bibliophiles like their parents! For this, I am truly grateful.

Being a child’s parent AND teacher puts a lot of pressure on us. We panic when we think our kids have to be doing as much as those kids in traditional schools, so we start to get demanding and that relationship thing falls apart, and for what? Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Albert Einstein:

It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom, without this it goes to wreck and ruin without fail. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty. To the contrary, I believe that it would be possible to rob even a healthy beast of prey of its voraciousness if it were possible with the aid of a whip, to force the beast to devour continuously even when not hungry, especially if the food, handed out under such coercion, were to be selected accordingly.

But that doesn’t mean we parents just let our kids go and do whatever. In the quote above, Einstein admits that curiosity needs “stimulation,” and he lists “seeing and searching” as a description of learning. Give your kids lots of opportunity and time to do just that. Keep the goal in mind and guide without them even realizing it.

If you value the model Jesus gives in the New Testament, it’s interesting to note that he was always down on the Pharisees–leaders who continually laid heavy burdens on the people. After all, there are only ten commandments, and even God is not coercive. We may suffer the consequences of poor choices, but he never forces us to obey. One of my favorite verses is “All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people,” (Romans 10:21). As we disobey, God is continually holding out his arms to us like the father of the Prodigal Son. One of my guiding principles has been to parent my children like God parents me.

But some of the most popular parenting advisers (especially in the Evangelical Christian world) tell us to insure immediate and cheerful obedience all the time or we are shirking our responsibility as parents. Now that’s a heavy burden. I say choose your few rules and make sure they are really necessary (see “Setting Boundaries for Kids“).

But what about school things like reading, writing and math? A lot of us fear that if we don’t force our kids to do school work, they’ll never make it in life. Here’s my advice: Between the ages of zero and twelve, teach your child to read when he is ready and wants to do it, then do “school” stuff when he shows interest. That gives you a lot of time to relax and watch your child. What is he interested in? What is his learning style? What motivates him? What de-motivates him?

Sure, you can dangle the carrot, like make brownies and talk about fractions as you cut him a piece. Or you can choose games that naturally introduce math because you have to keep score and count money. Or you can check out colorful and interesting books from the library. You can even start a contest with other home schoolers to see how many books each child can read in a month (we did Pizza Hut’s Book It). As far as writing goes, you can make greeting cards as a craft project together, or you can buy her a beautiful journal and matching pen. The computer is great for encouraging writing–open a MySpace, create a blog, or simply leave comments on blogs. I have more about these practical things in the post “My Education Philosophy.”

My point is, notice your child’s interests and build on those. Practically everything in life requires reading, writing, and math, so you just have to encourage those activities in the context of her interests. When you face resistance to “school” things, back off. Ask yourself why she doesn’t like to do that and you might learn a lot about how she learns and what motivates her.

Then, when your child hits 12 or so, take stock of his skills and abilities as they relate to the future. If public or private high school is the plan, what do those schools require? But in the meantime, you and your child can relax and together experience the joy of childhood and the joy of learning.

WRITING IS NOT HARD. Writing is communicating. If you can think, you can write.

So why do home schoolers spend so much money on writing curriculum and give writing assignments starting in first grade and worry that their kids don’t write enough? Probably because the home schooling parent went to traditional school and that’s what they went through, or because that expensive curriculum I just bought says we have to, that’s why.

It’s hard to imagine a world where eight-year-olds are not asked to find the topic sentence of a paragraph or where 12 year-olds are not asked to write book reports. What would become of our youth?

Abraham Lincoln lived in that kind of world. He only spent a few months in a traditional school setting. The rest of his childhood was spent in search of time to read, and no one asked him to write anything. In fact, he didn’t have paper. He would write in the dirt or scratch on wood. As a farmer, he had time to think about his readings as he plowed fields or chopped wood, but he never wrote a summary or an analysis of his readings. He didn’t even take notes.

When he moved away from home, Lincoln became a store clerk and had plenty of time to read behind the counter. When a family moving West had to lighten their load, he bought a barrel full of their belongings. “I found at the bottom of the rubbish a complete edition of Blackstone’s Commentaries. I began to read those famous works, and I had plenty of time; for during the long summer days, when the farmers were busy with their crops, my customers were few and far between. The more I read, the more intensely interested I became. Never in my whole life was my mind so thoroughly absorbed. I read until I devoured them.” source

That’s how Abraham Lincoln became a lawyer. He read, studied what interested him, and passed the bar exam. Without traditional education he became one of the most eloquent, influential communicators in American history. He never took a speech-writing class, yet the Gettysburg Address and his Second Inaugural Address are among the best speeches ever delivered (and yes, he wrote his own speeches).

But could he write a five paragraph essay? Argh! I’ll have more on that topic in a future post.

Here are some specifics for today’s student:

1. Let them read.
2. Let them think and express opinions about what they read.
3. Respect their opinions and insights so they will feel the freedom to talk honestly with you.
4. Share your own insights and wonder at a writer’s ability to communicate.
5. Don’t kill the fun of writing by pointing out spelling or grammar mistakes all the time.

Here’s what we did.

At the age of six or seven, Peter began reading the Boxcar Children Series over and over again. I had to remind myself that even if these weren’t Dickens, he was at least being exposed to correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. At one point he told me that on the second or third reading he started to notice how the writer was laying out the story, foreshadowing, and creating suspense. This is a good thing to remember: On the first read you are engrossed in the story; on subsequent readings you can be more detached and notice the craft. He even noticed how quotations were organized so that each new speaker had his own line–pretty sophisticated stuff for a young reader to discover on his own. If you think your child isn’t picking up on these things, you could casually point them out, especially if you are reading out loud to him. But keep comments minimally invasive or you’ll kill the joy of reading.

As your child is reading books that interest him, allow him to respond naturally. He may want to talk about it, write about it, act it out, find more information, who knows! Then he will find more books and websites and have more responses. This can go on for years.

Encourage creative writing by suggesting your child write his own book. Or if he likes to create imaginary worlds, give him a little journal to chronicle his adventures. Melissa had dog stories going on for awhile. She liked to type them into the computer and work on them with friends. At one point, she created a newspaper that reported on happenings around the house, including an advice column and comics.

Meg was a late reader, but she loved to listen to books, and we did a lot of that (Little House on the Prairie, Chronicles of Narnia, The Borrowers, etc). Around the age of 10, she started reading on her own, and with very little instruction, her spelling and grammar are up to grade level just from the exposure she gets from her books.

In 8th grade, take stock of your child’s knowledge of grammar, especially if you have not been taking standardized tests all along.* And by the way, I would not recommend taking standardized tests if you don’t have to. They could traumatize some kids and they just aren’t necessary.

How do you assess your kids in the area of mechanics? Check out EnglishChick.com. She has a great grammar basics section and links to other sites, including a free assessment with online lessons. To check your child’s knowledge in the least threatening way, just read over the basics page together, or do the assessment together and see what areas are weak. I also like the Online Writing Lab from Purdue University. They are concise and have a nice list of topics to choose from. EdHelper.com has free worksheets on various grammar topics if your child wants to try those. And my all-time favorite book on English mechanics is Woe is I by Patricia T. O’Connor.

For high school, encourage your child to continue reading great books and allow plenty of opportunity to research whatever interests him. If your child needs some help finding things to read, I highly recommend Invitation to the Classics. It gives short background information on the most respected authors through time, discussion of some of their most important works, along with some questions for thought. Your child could start reading through this book until she comes upon a piece of literature that sounds interesting, then find it at the library. Or you and he could be reading the same thing so you can have the fun of discussing it. This is a great guide to help you find wonderful things to read.

You could give writing assignments, but I wouldn’t unless the child really wants one. Melissa used to do this to me. In junior high she’d ask me to give her a research assignment. She tended to do reports about animals. I’d tell her what types of things she might want to find and she’d come up with her own way to present it, complete with pictures she found on the Internet.

One year during high school, Peter and I met with another home schooled student and tried to do a more formal type of literature class. It was fun to have a time set aside once a week to do that, but it really helped the other girl more than Peter. He found the writing assignments easy because he likes to read and talk about what he reads. And after all, that’s what makes a good writer–someone who can think and communicate logically. I spent most of my time trying to help the other child who’d been very traditionally schooled at home all her life.

The first semester of his senior year, Peter took a composition class at our local community college. We decided to do that so he could prove to himself and colleges that he could write. Unfortunately, it was mostly a waste of money. They had him writing essays (yes, the old five paragraph essay) on different topics. He got A’s on all of them and I hear now his essays are used as examples in the class. Now he’s completing his first quarter at the University of Chicago. He gets A’s on his papers and at least one teacher used his paper as an example for the rest of the class. His friends wonder how he can be such a good writer when he’s been homeschooled–meaning he was never subjected to hours of writing instruction and practice. Maybe that’s the key.

If your child will take the SAT or the ACT, you need to teach them about the five paragraph essay. I will have a thorough discussion of that coming soon. But instead of teaching that topic ad nauseam for years, start about four weeks before the test to allow time to practice a few.

Home School Meets Public School in English Class

Recently Melissa told me about her high school freshman English class (she decided to try public school this year). They are learning how to write summaries. I just roll my eyes and think what a waste of time for those poor kids. Human beings can summarize without instruction, thank you. We do it all the time.

A few weeks ago they started learning how to write the five paragraph essay. If you haven’t noticed by now, I have strong opinions about this traditional way to teach writing, and I can’t wait to get some time to dive into it. But even worse than the fact that high school freshman are learning how to write the five paragraph essay, the teacher told them they wouldn’t be writing a persuasive essay until next year because they just “aren’t mature enough yet.” Excuse me? How many eight-year-olds can present persuasive arguments, especially now, around Christmas time?

For the first time in her life, Melissa is taking notes on a book she’s reading. She has discovered that the purpose of the note cards is to prove they are actually reading the books. Yes, the joys of institutional education. At various points in the unit, each child has to stand in front of the class and talk about the notes they are taking. Melissa did hers yesterday. I asked her how she did. “Fine. I always get full credit for things.”

“How did the other kids do?” I asked.

“Terrible! It’s amazing how no one can talk. The teacher has to pull things out of them and they just mumble.”

But wait, these kids have been in a classroom since they were five years old, becoming magically socialized and learning such wonderful things! And here the child who spent her elementary years “in the wild” can actually talk and write about things she’s learning.

Be assured, the freedom to read and think and follow his interests will make your child a natural, effective communicator.

*If you live in an area where your kids have to prove some sort of “competency” for the “experts,” find out what exactly they are looking for and be sure your kids can do those things at a passing level. Scores on standardized tests in the elementary grades mean nothing to colleges. If, however, you plan to send them to a private high school, it might be a good idea to check ahead of time if those schools will use your elementary scores to determine admission or scholarships. Even if you have to “teach to the tests,” you can probably cover what they need to know in just a few days if the rest of the time has been rich in reading and discovery.

As I’m doing my best to daily immerse our kids in an engaging learning environment and introducing them to a variety of inspiring subjects, I am delighted to be discovering their passions with them, and comforted in the remembrance that these precious soul stirrings and that ultimate quickening of their spirits towards Him are all individual workings of His Spirit within them, as we’re learning to walk out His Word in our lives together, and therefore not solely dependent upon me, nor anyone else. I need but tune in to them, and especially their Creator, while keeping my eyes wide open to the opportunities abounding in each moment as we journey together each day, lest I miss those small sparks that would ultimately kindle their passions and thereby could someday even dictate their very livelihoods.

I have found that with our oldest daughter, 9yo T, who is my “go-getter”, this is an easier thing to recognize; her passions. She talks about them, and initiates doing stuff working towards exploring them on her own. When she’s inspired, the results are much more extravagant and obvious than when our 12 yo son, N is impassioned. He tends to discover passions (like writing, dance, reading a certain book, horse riding) after I’ve suggested he try something out. Lately I have been fascinated over the inter-connectedness of their blossoming personalities with the opportunities they’ve been offered thusfar in their young lives. I’m left to wonder over how beautifully it has all worked together… and question which came first, a specific passion or was an experience the catalyst of curiosity turned to desire? I’ve been musing over what the ramifications of these truths could be, not only in my kids’ lives, but in my own as well.

And we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good.

~ Romans 8.28

It’s certainly a mystery profound how the Sovereign Lord choreographs our very lives, nurturing those seeds of talent He placed within us, even as He knit us in the womb, while simultaneously allowing the free-will of our individuality. It’s caused me to consider the weighty responsibility Chris and I have as parents to introduce our children- His children- to a wide array of possibilities, directing them toward His truths, and presenting them with an assortment of rich ideas for their minds and hearts to grow upon. Gradually, I am learning to recognize when the “education” is doing its work within them, and to therefore not snuff out the tiny flames which seem yet so insignificant by my own lofty unrealistic adult-perspective qualifying standards, set mostly by pre-conceived ideas of how learning “should look”… Meaningful learning does not necessarily mean a finished *project*. I’m learning to look with my child-eyes again.

For instance, the other day when T showed me the language she’s creating for the characters in one of her stories, my first teacherly-Mom thoughts were along the lines of, “well, that’s not a real language… why should she be wasting her time and all of that good language interest and energies with this when we could be working on our Latin or Hebrew?” Thankfully, in the next instant, I realized that I was witnessing a beautifully genuine representation of this child’s love for language and passion for writing. And so the thoughts I expressed to her were those of encouragement and “why not?, how clever!” and musings over the inceptions of various languages.

But that was not the only challenge along these lines that either one of my kids have thrown at my feeble mind in the last couple of weeks. Last month N, who’s been taking guitar lessons for just over a year now (that was his own inspired idea, which he faltered in when it came to the monotany of daily practice), announced to me that he’d like to come up with his own song to play at our co-op’s end of the semester student presentations ceremony… I immediately had to shush my overly-conservative, doubtful-of-his-being-ready-to-do-that thoughts right up. After months of laboring resistantly through daily practicings on his guitar, he’s made it over some kind of mental hump, and now usually plays daily (without my having to tell him to!), and tells me he absolutely loves it. He was also greatly inspired by the movie August Rush. As we’re driving home from his lessons nowadays, he often tells me excitedly of what he’s learning, and how encouraging his guitar teacher is. Just last week his instructor told him that he could play his own songs without having any music written out(?!), and could even learn to play chords he hasn’t yet formally learned, just by intently listening to a piece of music and then copying what he hears. Imagine that… I am so thankful for the many wonderfully inspiring people that have been God’s vessels of instruction for our kids  (and myself) over the years, what evidence of HIS faithful provision! On so very many levels, this whole parenting/homeschooling business has been such a growing experience for my own faith levels.

And I know that I’ve mentioned here before of how my daring daughter gets these crazy inspired ideas to do things that are much bigger than any goals I’d ever set for her. I’ve seen how God has been faithful to send others into our lives to facilitate dreaming and passions that I could not… but I’m apparently a slow learner. Usually my first (natural) impulse is to caution her and help her to pare her visions down a bit, set her sights more realistically… but her fervor and insistence that she can and has already counted the cost of a conceived endeavour has once again inspired me, and as I’ve let go of the reigns I had moments before fearfully rationally tightened my grip on, I’ve been further delighted to see how God has sent others to come along side of me/us to see that her fans are flamed and help set her on the path to accomplishing these fantastic goals that I couldn’t have orchestrated or provided for on my own, let alone have even decided upon.

Once again, this week it seems that another request, prayerfully offered up by a girl with bigger faith shoes than I can fill has been fulfilled by a generous Father.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows…

~ James 1.17

T has praise in her heart. She loves to put on worship music and dance before the Lord enthusiastically. It’s something that I’ve enjoyed doing with my kids since they were babies in my arms, twirling together with hands lifted high. T told me on Monday that she’d like to choreograph her own dance to a Third Day song and perform it at the aforementioned homeschool co-op student presentation ceremony. I gulped down my doubts, astonished at her brevity, again. She proceeded to explain her plans to me, and I just nodded along as I listened, knowing better than to discourage her resolve. “I’m going to ask Mrs. Jamie (her dance instructor- that’s another testimony we have of His great provision for us- scholarships for dance lessons) to help me with my moves and figuring it all out.” “That’s a good idea.” “Okay then, you’ll have to wait for me a little bit longer after class so that I can talk to her about it.” I agreed. And after her dance class ended on Tuesday, I watched as she gingerly approached her teacher, holding her passion close, encased in a dream that she proceeded to share with a trusted confidante. To my great surprise and delight, Jamie agreed to help her and meet with her a half hour before her class, every week- for free! I went back and checked with her myself after T told me, just to make sure it was really alright! Is that crazy-generous, and just like God, or what?! Needless to say, T is so excited about it that she’s on fire now, and has asked a dancing friend that we carpool with to join her in the dance! She’s been busily drawing and dancing up her choreography plans. Here’s what she’s got so far:

I tried getting some pictures of her dancing, but she wouldn’t cooperate.

She did, however, allow me to take some pictures of her practicing on her violin. This – her opportunity to play the violin this year- is another story of her aspirations met by the willing Hand of Providence.

T has wanted to take violin lessons for years. I believe that the desire was probably first sparked sometime in her toddlerhood, when we spent a great deal of time with friends, whose then highschool daughter played the violin beautifully. She would watch and listen to her play intently every chance that she got. She began asking for lessons a few years ago, but we couldn’t afford private violin lessons, and neither Chris nor I can even read music (something which both of our children are now learning to do quite well -without us!).  As I do, I told her that I would join with her in praying that if it be His will, that He would provide an avenue for this opportunity for her. Then last year, we were blessed with the means to pay for N to have the private guitar lessons I mentioned above, and she so wanted the same. She confided to me of how she was struggling with jealousy and I reminded her that he too had been waiting for years for music lessons. Her time would come… and to be patient. Meanwhile, she decided to master her recorder and used the book that it came with to teach herself to read music and play quite a few folk songs. She joined a class offered at our co-op for the recorder, and took heart in my reminder not to despise small beginnings.

Then, to our delighted amazement, a wonderful lady decided to teach a strings class at our homeschool co-op this year, specifically violin and cello. T was beside herself with excitement over this opportunity to finally learn to play her instrument of choice – the violin. Now… if only we had a violin. I prayerfully sought the Lord, trusting Him to provide this too, knowing that with Him in it, it would all come together. Chris and I knew that it would have to happen cheaply to be feasible for us. Then towards the end of last school year, it came up at our Bible study with some friends that T was so glad to be looking forward to taking a violin class at our co-op, and since this friend had played for years, we asked her for suggestions concerning our finding a used violin for T. To our thrilled astonishment, she offered to loan T her own beautiful violin for as long as she needed it. I am glad that she had to wait, as I can see how it presented opportunity for her own faith to grow as she’s seen the Lord’s faithfulness in providing for her.

Time and again I have been blessed to see God’s orchestration of timely provision for our children’s passions, in both their inceptions and continuity. As their Mother and primary instructor, I find rest in knowing that it is not up to me to bring all these good things to life in their worlds,

‘ Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’
Says the LORD of hosts.

~ Zechariah 4.6

but rather I am just an open conduit of His loving kindness and purposes for each of them, His unique creations.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Peter has completed one week of college classes. I’m very interested in his observations and experiences as a teenager who was allowed to follow his interests at his own pace in highschool. How does he adjust to the time demands, the assignments, the relationships, and the life away from family? Did his free-flowing education prepare him for the rigors of a college like the University of Chicago? Here’s #1 in a series of posts.

Yesterday I asked (over Google chat), “What insight do you have as an unschooler at the end of his first week of college?”

Peter: well, we need more time to see, because it’s hard to tell about people this quickly,and also UChicago attracts people with a fairly unschooled attitude anywayme: interesting Peter: but I do think that people are a little less self-reliant than I would expect.
Peter: like, in math, everyone is a little freaked out that the professor moves too quickly. And it is a little annoying, but it’s not that big a deal, you just look at your notes later and figure out the parts he glossed over.
me: so what is it about your experience that makes you less likely to freak out? Peter: well, I’ve had to figure everything out myself, so having to figure out 10% of the math by myself seems pretty easy

When he says math he means Calculus. In essence, Peter learned how to learn. He’s comfortable with ambiguity and knows what to do with it to reach his goals–in this case, to pass Calculus.

How does this happen? A child needs to become fearless at trial and error and exploration. This happens when he’s not held to certain parameters or expectations. When each failure is a learning experience and not a low grade, he’s free to develop his analytical mind and learns how to learn. This reminds me of Thomas Edison. He tried hundreds of materials until he found the one that worked in the electric light bulb. Edison was intensely interested in finding a solution, but if that had been a Physics assignment, he would have run out of time and gotten an F. Now Peter’s in an environment where mistakes will count against him, but he’s had years to prepare and has the tools to succeed.

Unfortunately, most children spend their lives in schools that ignore their interests, penalize failure, and paralyze true learning.

The other day the antique appraiser I help out, remembering how in the past I have needed to work less in order to spend time teaching the kids, asked when I needed to change my schedule and be less available.  It caught me off guard because I have gotten so used to our lifestyle of learning.  It took me a moment to come up with an answer that would avoid getting into this whole unschooling business but also satisfy her.  I said that the kids had, for the most part, taken over their own learning and listed quickly off all the projects they have done in the last few months, being careful to point out the expected learning that has occurred in this unexpected way.  She was satisfied and moved on to the project at hand while I got to be completely honest without going into a detailed explanation.

The funny thing is that it caused me to realize how comfortable it has become, so comfortable that I don’t even think about “school”  anymore.  For a former public school teacher and child of public school teachers this is shocking.  My brain has forgotten “schooly” things and is focused on life and relationships.  I no longer think of what the kids are doing in educational terms unless someone asks (though I have also learned to quickly sum up the most recent educational things going on).  It is funny how quickly it occurred and how easy it is to see all the play for what it is–God-given life training.

As I write my oldest is composing a song and has figured out how to record it on our spare keyboard.  She recently figured out a numbering system to write music notes, using the electric typewriter she bought with her own money at a yard sale, to see her through until she has taught herself how to read music.  My middle child was last seen reading a factual book about Russia and my son was building an articulated robot out of Construx and card board. This morning we spent an hour playing together on the newly floored living room–me showing them ballet from my childhood and them trying to hold each position then sliding around the room in break dance type action (which they learned from Youtube) in their footy pajamas.  Yesterday during an impromptu trip to IKEA my son and I talked about God and being thankful for ALL things, months, days, and the calendar, multiplication, telling jokes, and reading Bible names.  Earlier in the day Rachel and I watched my favorite fight scenes from several old Kung Fu flicks which prompted discussion of the culture surrounding those movies.   She has also been watching Jane Austen movies (her favorite being the 5 hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice).  Esther showed up at one point with her favorite insect guide explaining to me her theory of why bee colonies are disappearing (she was reading about a kind of mite that kills honey bees.)  Rachel spent an hour reading Crafty Crow and Skip to  my Lou looking at and trying out various craft ideas, including making leaf people outside which turned into a game of tag.   The kids used the laminate flooring boxes to make robot costumes and sandwich board card costumes like those in Alice in Wonderland.

Who knows what they will be into tomorrow though I can predict to some extent because I know my kids and what each of their interests are.  Likely my middle child will draw some more pictures to add to the hanging art gallery she has developed on her ceiling over her bed (she gives “tours” and has it set up in rooms).  My oldest will probably add to the doll house she has created of small wall shelf she bought at a yard sale–the furniture is made of drawings on paper and bits of this and that from around the house. My son will come down and help measure the linear footage of trim we need for the downstairs (the girls will probably help–they love measuring and adding it all up.)

The thing is, this is WHO they are and who God created them to be.  Because they have plenty of materials on hand and the freedom to do and make they will run with it.  They are allowed to watch as much tv and play as many video games as they like–which they do (unless of course they have a job they need to do like their dishes or someo ther parental request) but it is not nearly as much as one might expect–they watch, in general, much less than they would if I limited the time spent.  Because they have freedom and materials on hand, they have TONS of movies and lots of video games, plenty of arts and crafts materials and the freedom to use scrap paper and other random bits of stuff they have much more interesting things to do than sit and watch DVD’s.  We are also blessed because we live in an old house where it is not the end of the world if someone draws on the floor  or forgets to use tape and glues their awesome drawing of a boy with a kite on a rope or hot air balloon to to the wall.  Sometimes things get messy (okay, usually–5 people at home all day means no house beautiful), sometimes too much is enough, and sometimes they fight, but in general it is a peaceful life overflowing with learning and activity, and we all are learning daily.

After weeks of freezing cold temps and above average snow and ice, this week feels like spring. It’s been really beautiful – high around 60, sunny, not too much wind – just my all-time perfect favorite weather. So, since the kids and I have been stuck inside, sick, for about 6 weeks, we decided to go to our fabulous St. Louis Zoo. It’s huge and one of the last few free zoos in the country. We get a membership every year and go many times. I’ve lived here all my life and have had hundreds of trips to the zoo and yesterday, I can say without a doubt, was my very favorite day there ever.

Typically I don’t like to take my very young crew downtown by myself. I usually invite another SAHM and her kids to go with us, if it’s not the weekend when Hubby can go with us. But my usual gal isn’t a homeschooler so school got in the way and for some reason, I decided to just go with the kids by myself. Worried that we might have to leave early because of my pregnancy induced sciatica, I packed a picnic lunch and we headed off. I asked the kids which animals they were hoping to see the most. Almost four-year-old Rose immediately claimed “all the big cats”, six year old Matthew wanted to go to “the Herpetarium, so I can see my favorite animal, which are SNAKES!!!”, and after asking several times, almost-two-year-old Jade said something that sounded like her word for “bear” so we went with that.

One of the biggest perks of homeschooling is that you don’t have to jam in all the fun “summer stuff” into only 3 months when everyone else is trying to do the same. We had the zoo basically to ourselves. Both kids immediately grabbed a zoo map so they could help navigate (though I have the map in my head). First stop…the bears. Jade practiced saying ‘beeeeeeeer’ until I think I was calling them beers too. We stopped to watch the polar bear sleeping and a zoo keeper came by, calling out to the bear, “Wha-cha doing? Sleeping, Hope??” She didn’t twitch a muscle. The zoo keeper started to leave and I asked, “What did you say her name was?” “Hope” I mentioned that I guessed the warm snap of weather made the animals a little lethargic, as it had done me. She said Hope had been playing a lot this morning and then something that’s never happened to me… “If you guys are going to be here for a bit, I’ll see if I can get her to play.” We heartily agreed and waited to see what she’d come up with. While the kids and I speculated about a water hose, she came around the walk-way with a hard plastic fluorescent ball, bouncing it hard to make the slap-slap-slap sound against the pavement. Hope heard THAT. She immediately jumped up and started to get excited. We watched her play with that ball for a long time. She even poked a hole in it pretty fast with her claw and when that filled up with water, she picked it up and held it with her front paws and drank out of it as if it were a coconut. Rose was absolutely enthralled watching Hope play and do somersaults in the water with that pink ball. All this activity had drawn a small crowd of moms with preschoolers. Matthew read the exhibit sign and saw that it said that polar bears are “nearly threatened” (their endangered status) because their ice caps are melting, ‘possibly due to global warming’. He furrowed his eyebrows and said (rather loudly), “We just HAVE to figure out a way to stop global warming! We need to find more ways to use the sun, wind and water for energy and stop using all the machines that create pollution!” I immediately saw the mothers around me straining to see how old this very young voice was and then I felt ‘the look’. That one that says I’m a crazed green-loving mother who drills this stuff into her kids heads. Nope. I admit, we do recycle what we can and we have, very briefly, discussed saving energy, pollution, etc. But what came out of his mouth was as much a shock to me as it was to them. We had a great small discussion on global warming and pollution. I find myself constantly asking him where he learned something and the answer usually comes with a shrug, “I don’t remember”. So I’ve tried to stop asking. I suppose the answer doesn’t really matter but I find I’m curious where he picked it up from.

As we made our way down to see the rest of the bears, there was a man with a demonstration cart so we stopped to take a look. He had pelts of polar bear, grizzly and kodiac, as well as a bear skull. He gave us some information about the different pelts, the uses of their teeth and let us touch all of it. Rose liked being able to touch bear skin. Matthew, my texture-sensitive and germ-a-phobe kid wouldn’t touch them. Rose got a very worried look on her face and asked, “Where did you get the bear skins?” The demonstrator explained that they got them off of bears that had died already. She was very relieved to hear that. He told us that the black bears are actually expecting, something that hasn’t happened in a very long time at our zoo. And he showed us a stuffed bear about the size of a TY beanie and said that was the size of a newborn bear. He mentioned that bears go into hibernation, sleep through labor and wake up with a newborn baby bear next to them. We already knew this but I patted my 7 month preggo belly and asked him to sign me up for that deal anyway.

We moseyed our way through the outdoor ape section (where there were no apes – I suppose it was still too cool for them to be outside). In the concrete walkway, the zoo had made animal tracks and foliage impressions before the concrete dried and the kids and I had a fun time trying to determine which animal made each track. Surprisingly, the hardest for them to figure out were the bird tracks. The only guess I got on what made that stick-like impression was that they were arrows pointing to the other tracks. I made a mental note to point out the wood peckers feet next time we visit the bird house.

We stopped to look at the pond, full of geese. The pond had a small island in the middle, where all the snow had melted and there was dry land. Part of the pond was still frozen and part wasn’t. We shivered when we saw the geese swimming around in the icy water. Rose saw a black swan and was disappointed there were no white ones like in The Ugly Duckling movie Grammy gave us. After a few minutes, we watched a group of geese climb up from the water onto the ice, sit down and try to take a nap. “Look at those silly geese!! Sitting on the cold ice instead of the dry warm island,” I said. “Maybe that’s why I call you guys ‘silly gooses’ sometimes because you’re as silly as a goose sitting on ice.”

We then met up with Hubby, who works not too far away. He met us there on his lunch break and we all had a nice lunch talking about what we’d seen so far. When I told him about the global warming discussion, Matthew piped in with, “You should read more about global warming in my Ranger Rick magazine, Daddy.” Aha! I should have known it was that ol’ raccoon. I piped up that scientists don’t even agree that global warming is actually happening but that some think it is. Matthew says very confidently, “Well, I believe it’s happening because I trust myself and that’s what I believe.”

After saying farewell to Hubby, we headed to the herpetarium (funny…and sad…that this word is not in my browsers dictionary!). The lower level of the herpetarium is small and enclosed so I let Jade out of the stroller to run around a little since she’d mostly been in the stroller or a high chair so far. They have carpeted steps so small kids can get a better view and, silly me, I put her down on a step. Apparently she didn’t realize this was a step and fell right off and banged into the stroller. She cut her lip and cried a bit but she was ok and soon was off trying out every single step in the place, as most 2yr olds would. We spent a very long time in the herpetarium – much longer than I’ve ever spent before. Matthew read most all of the signs and retold the information to us in his own words. Rose, with her eagle eyes, found most all of the animals that were tricky to find before the rest of us did. Jade was ecstatic that she could climb up and look in the windows just like the ‘big kids’. I even learned a lot more about snakes and reptiles than I ever wanted to know, just following the kids around listening to them.

We were close to Big Cat Country so we kept climbing the “big hill” until we arrived. The first one we saw was the magnificent tiger. He was pacing around his paddock and even let out a few growls, much to Rose’s delight. Most of the cats were basking in the sun on this warmer-than-usual day so we saw they pretty well but the neatest sight was the Amur leopard. He was just gorgeous and he’s typically very hard to find in his habitat but on this day, he was pacing around too and we were close enough that I could touch his fur if I reached…not that I did. He was also making noises and Rose was just mesmerized watching him. Rose was quite disappointed that the cheetahs weren’t in this area. I explained that they were on the other side of the zoo by the elephants and the other Asian animals. The cheetahs are also typically very hard to spot – they like to hide away from the crowds and it was getting to be quite late in the afternoon. I asked her if we could look for them next time we came and she somewhat sadly agreed that was ok. We rounded the corner and got a quick biology lesson from the zebras (it IS almost spring, ya know).

So we’d seen all the animals the kids really wanted to see (except the cheetahs). But I suddenly said that I’d like to know if they have any meerkats. I guessed that if they were anywhere, they’d probably be in the Children’s Zoo. If you’ve been reading my blog for any time, you know we just adore Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet and Rose’s favorite gift for her birthday was a new stuffed meerkat, which she promptly named, “Mozart, when she was a baby”.

Back at the bottom of the “big hill”, we decided to ride the train. Being off-season, they only had one train running so we had about a 7-10 minute wait. Standing in lines of chain-link at the end of a long day will try the patience of almost any parent, as I was quick to notice around me. Fortunately Rose decided to entertain herself by going underneath the chains and declaring herself a duck. I said that she looked more like a silly goose. After a quick moment of pondering, Matthew quipped up, “Mom, this is a great day. You should blog about it. And I know what you should title it…. “Duck, duck, goose, goose”. I think he was right on target. As a member, I get a number of Anywhere Passes. Zoo admission is free but a few sections require $2-4/person to enter such as the Children’s Zoo, the train and the Sea Lion Show. Usually tickets are bought at the train station but there was no one in the booth. When we got ready to board, they just waved us on so we got to ride the train without using up any of our passes (something that typically happens off-season, I’ve noticed).

Matthew and Rose sat in the seat ahead of me and Jade. Jade was downright giddy about riding the train and could hardly contain herself. At the train stations we stopped at, we discussed that it was time to head home. Rush hour would be starting soon and the zoo closed at 5pm anyway. Rose said again that she wished she could see the cheetah but it’s a long walk to get to them and she decided to be happy that she got to see all the other animals she wanted to see. As we came around a bend on the last leg of the train, there in all his beautiful glory sat a glorious cheetah, sprawled out in the sun, staring at the train as we passed. Rose and I couldn’t have been even slightly happier. What a great ending!!

As we left the zoo, Matthew asked a worker if there were any meerkats in the zoo and he told us they were in the Children’s Zoo. Matthew wanted to go back so that I could see the animal *I* wanted to see and I told him I was willing to wait until our next trip to seek them out. “We’ll go on a meerkat hunt next trip,” I told him.

The day just couldn’t have been more beautiful. I don’t even remember having to walk through ONE person’s cigarette smoke, which is definitely a blessing, especially when pregnant.

On the way home, I wondered why this trip to the zoo was definitely at the top of my list. One reason was the special treatment we got because we came during off-season but I think the biggest reason was that I didn’t rush the kids through. Typically when we go with other families or our own, we have an agenda…we want to see this animal and this one and eat lunch and these other two animals and walk past the rest and leave by this time and I seem to spend the day saying, “Come on, Matthew…Rose, we’re leaving this exhibit now…etc.” But on this day, I let the kids lead. I literally followed them around and didn’t urge them on even once. When they wanted to spend 5 minutes searching for that lizard in the herpetarium that I thought didn’t exist, I didn’t rush them on. We stayed and searched for 5 minutes and found it. We even made it through the gift shop without anyone begging to buy something new. The kids weren’t crabby, despite missing their naps; there were no tantrums about anything – it was just plain easy.

I think that’s the draw to unschooling for me. When we (as in, Hubby and I) let our kids lead, it’s just plain easier all around.

Issac waiting for a boat ride at the pond, investigating the metal loop that holds the boat to the dock.

I know this question well because we also struggled with it, and it is why we have been so slow to trust God on this whole unschooling thing.  Our conversations with God have gone something like this:

Us: “God, we know you are leading us towards letting the kids follow their interests but are you sure you don’t want us to have SOME structure? ”

God: “Do you trust me?”

Us: “Well yes but we really think they need to learn how to do basic computation on paper and a bit of spelling, and well, there are a few more things we really feel they should know.”

God : “Do you trust me?”

Us: “Well yes, but what about the boring stuff?   What about the stuff they hated doing when we did school the old fashioned way?”

God: “Do you trust me?”

Us: “Well yeah, but, what about all those battles that happened because they HATED the very things you are telling us to trust you about?”

God: “Do you TRUST me?”

Us: “Well, yeah, well, pretty much. Okay, well, yes, we trust you.”

God: “Then let go and let me lead them. Love me, love each other, show them your love for me, talk about me with them, talk to them about your interests, talk to them about their interests,  I will take care of the rest.”

Us: “Um, okay, if you are sure.”

God: “Trust me.”

Issac, despite owning multiple car ramps, built new ones from boxes he found and cut up.

We are trusting Him and it has been amazing.  While the kids still turn up their noses at the books and activities that we used for “school” they gather huge quantities of resources that they have not used before; text books, curriculum, activity books, how to books, language courses, whatever (many things I think are desperately boring).  Not only are they taking them but they are using them.

Issac using the Shark mini vac my grandma gave me to clean the ENTIRE downstairs floor, without being asked.

While cleaning the area we stored text books and workbooks the kids took ALL the educational books that they had not used for “school”  to their own rooms for further study–included in the books the kids secured are a high school math curriculum set which Rachel found fascinating and wanted for her own with promises of discussion of it with Daddy, several atlases and dictionaries in English AND Polish, numerous workbooks (Issac has been doing them at bedtime to fall asleep), lots and lots of blank notebooks for writing stories and comics in, lots of science books (which Esther confiscated and which I am finding everywhere–a sure sign she is reading them and leaving them where she finished them), word searches and other activity books, and a slew of other things I have forgotten.

Issac preparing to for a ride in the motor boat.

They are using those materials and others they have found around the house.  Rachel finished the first draft of her book and is waiting for me to finish her website before she edits it (she has decided that now that she can write by hand with no backwards letters and spelling mostly right she should learn to type.)  Esther wrote a short story and has been making me comic books ever since.  Then the kids each got a math kit (compass, ruler, etc.) from Target’s clearance back to school sale and started using them for drawing pictures and graphs and charts.  This prompted Rachel to get several math books on charts and graphs out of the nonfiction section at the library.  They started measuring everything in the house, including figuring out the area of the living room and hall so we could get laminate flooring.  They have been adding, subtracting, multiplying measurements.  Our household looks like “If You Give a Mouse  a Cookie” only with learning.

Issac building IKEA furniture

After that came the Polish curriculum I found at the thrift shop.  I spent a few months in Poland while in college and the kids love stories about that as well as about my grandmother’s Polish family.  I figured maybe I would use it to touch up on what I do remember.  Instead Rachel snatched it up and has been practicing ever since.  She has also  added the Rosetta Stone demo version of the Polish language lesson to her studies.  Esther has joined her in this study and they run around the house naming things in Polish.

Esther demonstrating her knowledge of boat safety.

And this is just the tip of the iceburg.  There is so much more going on than I can even keep track of.  Discussions have included: Scotland and Gaelic, square roots and cube roots, how mortgages work and the snowball effect, natural disasters and what causes them physically, how wind works, spelling and word order, reading big words and finding their meanings, adding and multiplying fractions (while baking), determining cloud direction, and a multitude of other things.  All of it has been interest led–the kids are running with this freedom to learn and explore, and are learning many things that I think are horribly dull and boring (but don’t tell them I said that.)

The girls often stay up in the evening working at their table, writing, reading, drawing, or in this case creating charts and graphs for the fun of it.

I think the problem, and the reason for the question in the first place, is found in ourselves and our perception of what is interesting or boring.  Any child that has been public schooled OR trained to think of school in those terms, will think that way as well–except for the odd geekling like my husband was, who at age 10, despite hating school,  spent hours and hours programming a friend’s TI because he wanted to, or like myself who at age 12 spent ALL my spare time reading and researching King Author or reading about whatever scientific thing I was currently interested in (though not what they were teaching in school.)

School trains us to think that school things, including math and grammar, are boring.  The thing is that they are only boring if you are not, at that moment, interested in them.  When, for whatever reason, something peaks your interest you are off and running.  Sure YOU may not want to learn about rocks and gems, but I was passionately fond of studying them–until I had a lesson on them in school which promptly struck that off my list of interesting things until I was graduated from college and got talking to some kids who found a cool rock and wanted to know.

Issac building a tunnel for his track.

So the question answers itself.  Don’t think of it as boring or hard stuff, talk about these things when you run into them.  Watch the kids cues.  Give them openings and opportunities.  If they show interest in something don’t get overly enthusiastic (that is one of those “school” things and will shut off that flow of imagination like nothing else), wait on them.  If you are just starting to move away from the “school” model it may take a while for them to jump in and take over.  Give them space.  Give them time to think of things without “school” or educational hanging over their head.  When you, as an adult, get interested in something you learn it because you want to, you don’t naturally think–”I am learning something, this is educational” you think, “This is cool.  I like this.”  Give your kids the same freedom, pray for wisdom, a lot, and let God open up their minds to multiple interests.  They may stick with something longer than you would expect or drop it in a matter of seconds.  Give them the freedom to do that (you would get nervous of showing interest in something if as soon as you did someone ran out and bought you EVERYTHING yo uneeded to do it–you want to test the waters first, see if it is for you–give your kids the same opportunity).  Find your own interests and passions and run with them.  The kids will learn to follow their passions from your example.  And with freedom to explore, resources at their fingertips, and the imagination and brain power God has provided them, they WILL learn–you won’t be able to stop them–even with the “boring stuff”.